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  • Writer's pictureDana Arcuri

Your Safety is a Vital Factor in Healing Trauma

Recently, I had a YouTube and Twitter poll. I asked my followers which situation they are currently in. Out of curiosity, I inquired if they are still in abusive relationships or if they have walked away from these types of toxic dynamics.

On YouTube, here is the response from 186 people:

  • 56% are no contact with the abuser (s).

  • 18% are estranged from the perpetrators.

  • 17% are practicing the grey rock method.

  • Only 9% are presently in a relationship with the abuser (s).

Here's the Twitter response for 70 people who took the survey:

  • 42.9% are no contact with the abuser (s).

  • 30% are estranged from the perpetrators.

  • 15.7% are presently in contact with the abuser (s).

  • 11.4% are grey rocking the abuser (s).

The most important part of healing trauma is being safe. Your body will alert you when it doesn't feel safe. You may feel hypervigilant, an outer body experience, or terrified.

You may have heart palpitations, anxiety, migraines, a stomachache, chronic pain, fear, perspiration, panic attacks, and depression. Or you may experience the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, which is a common and normal trauma response. You may feel the need to run away, to hide, or to escape.

“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” (p.97) ― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Dear Soul, you can't heal from trauma until you are safe from abuse. You cannot heal if you stay in relationships that are controlling, manipulative, cruel, and violent.

While I do understand that not everyone can simply relocate, move, or end the cycle of abuse, your safety is important. For some people dealing with domestic violent relationships, narcissistic abuse, or other types of toxic dynamics, you may need to grey rock.

The grey rock method is a strategy some people use when interacting with manipulative or abusive individuals. It involves becoming as unresponsive as possible to the abusive person’s behavior.

The grey rock method is when someone gives the least emotional reaction. When they keep communication minimal with the perpetrator.

The Grey Rock Technique May Involve:

  • Avoiding interactions with the abusive person

  • Keeping unavoidable interactions brief

  • Giving short or one-word answers to questions

  • Communicating in a factual, unemotional way

The goal is to cause the perpetrators to lose interest in you. To not give them narcissistic supply. This means that you don't have an emotional reaction. You don't flip out on them. You don't try to explain yourself to them. You don't argue with the abusers.

Most importantly, don't permit the emotional vampires to push your buttons. Do not let them provoke you. Learn to stop their vindictive, antagonistic behaviors in effort to protect your own well-being; physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc.


Each abuse survivor deserves healthy, safe relationships. To be treated with compassion, respect, and tender loving care. Best wishes to each of you as you navigate your trauma recovery.

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”

Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

If you need emotional support, I am a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach. I specialize in:

  • Narcissistic Abuse

  • Dysfunctional Family

  • Family Estrangement

  • Sibling Abuse

  • Child Abuse

  • Sexual Abuse

  • Complex PTSD/PTSD


  • Chronic Pain

  • Autoimmune Disorders

  • The body-mind connection to trauma

  • Reconnecting to yourself to release the inner critic

  • Holistic Health (Herbs, Essential Oils, Natural Wellness)

  • Intergenerational Trauma

  • Physical, Emotional, Sexual, & Spiritual Trauma

  • Somatic Embodiment & Emotional Regulation

Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching Options:

  1. Single Coaching Session: 60 minutes

  2. One Month Coaching: 4 coaching sessions/60 minutes each

  3. Three Month Coaching: 12 coaching sessions/60 minutes each

Here is what you will receive:

  • Private one-on-one coaching with me via Zoom

  • Emotional support by me

  • A good listener who validates you

  • Safe space to unpack your trauma without judgment

  • Explore a body-mind connection to recover; physically, emotionally, spiritually, & relationally

  • Set realistic recovery goals to increase your quality of life

  • Inspiration and motivation from me; your coach & mentor

  • Professional resources to support you and your healing journey

Below are helpful links on my website for my coaching prices and other information.

Prices: Prices | My Site (

Therapy Versus Coaching: ​Therapy Versus Coaching | My Site (

Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching Information: Coach | Dana Arcuri | Inspirational Author, Speaker, Survivor, & Advocate

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