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  • Writer's pictureDana Arcuri

No Closure After Suffering Abuse: How to Heal Trauma Without Closure

After you suffered abuse from a narcissist, a toxic person, or your family of origin, did you receive closure? If you went grey rock or no contact, did you get an apology or closure? What is closure? According to, “Closure is the act of closing or the state of being closed. A bringing to an end; a conclusion. A feeling of finality or resolution, especially after a traumatic experience.

On, they said, “Closure is to gain a sense of resolution whether it be mental, physical, or spiritual.

Closure is any interaction, information, or practice that allows a person to feel that a traumatic, upsetting, or confusing life event has been resolved. The term has its origins in Gestalt psychology, but it is more commonly used to refer to the final resolution to a conflict or problem.

Relationship closure is when your partner, a narcissist, or a toxic family member didn’t discuss why your relationship ended. Closure involves honest, healthy, open-minded, nonjudgmental communication. In most cases of family abuse, narcissistic abuse, and sibling abuse, there are no genuine apologies, nor any closure with them. We many have many questions that are never answered. Even if we wanted the truth, toxic people are not honest, authentic, transparent people.

The need for closure often centers around a need for a missing piece of information. It is normal to want to know why someone did or said something to you, especially when it involved psychological abuse, betrayal, and emotional trauma.

What constitutes closure varies from person to person. It’s highly dependent upon the context surrounding a stressful event. Examples of closure include:

· Receiving an apology from someone who committed a crime against you.

· Receiving financial compensation for an injury.

· Finding out the cause of a loved one’s death.

· Conducting a ritual to mark the end of a relationship–burning photos, writing a letter that is not sent, and so on.

· Seeking emotional support by a trauma-informed therapist, psychologist, or a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach.

When you don’t receive closure after a relationship ended, you may have a wide variety of emotions, which are valid. They include feeling:

1. Confusion

2. Hurt

3. Grief and loss

4. Anger, which is a normal stage of grief.

5. Violated

6. Disrespected

7. Invalidated

8. Ignored, minimized, or denied a resolution

9. Re-traumatized

What does closure accomplish? People seek answers and explanations. We want to know why our relationships couldn’t be restored. We need to know why the ending of a relationship didn’t give us logical answers.

However, finding answers does not necessarily end the pain. Sometimes a person who seeks closure finds that an explanation makes no difference, or that it actually worsens their pain.

Others find that closure may simply be a starting point for moving past a painful event.

Though the trauma may not be fully resolved, the person is better able to work through it as they continue their healing journey. In some cases, closure is a profoundly transformative experience. It can help them to process, face, and move through the traumatic event. For example, a survivor of abuse may need to confront the abuser and see them imprisoned before he or she can begin to feel safe again. However, please don’t rely on the legal system to receive justice or closure. In many cases, the legal system protects predators and abusers. Tips to Seek Your Own Closure:

1. Change your environment – You cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick. You cannot fully heal if you stay in an abusive, unhealthy relationship. It is doing you more harm than good.

2. Write a Letter to Them - One way to deal with the end of a relationship without closure is to write the person a letter. Express everything that’s inside of you – good and bad, ugly and beautiful. The letter can be as long as you need; you can add to it for days or weeks. Should you send the letter? It depends. Only you can determine what is best for you. In some cases, it is very therapeutic to burn the letter and bury the ashes outside in the soil. It's a therapeutic way to release negative energy and toxic people.

3. Explore New Horizons – Consider your interests, strengths, and what sets your heart on fire. Explore new hobbies, tapping into your creativity, taking classes, traveling, spending time in nature, or joining a meetup group or support group with likeminded people.

4. Seek Spiritual Growth for Emotional Health – One great way to deal with broken relationships and healing trauma is to pursue spiritual growth for your emotional health. Oftentimes, when we deeply connect to a Higher Power, whether it is God, the universe, or whatever you believe in, we find peace of mind. We feel emotionally supported and protected. For me, some of the most significant healing that I have experienced came from supernatural divine signs, dreams, and feeling God’s divine love.

5. Chose to Heal on Your Own Terms – Please know that receiving closure is NOT a pre-requisite for healing. You can choose to heal on your own terms. You have the power within you to make positive improvements in your life. It starts with your subconscious mind. When you believe that you will heal, your subconscious mind will bring it into your reality. Whether you know it or not, each day you are manifesting your own conscious reality. Therefore, take your thoughts captive. Focus on and speak love, harmony, healing, peace, prosperity, and abundance into your life. It works wonders!

Today, may you seek emotional support from at least one trustworthy, trauma-informed professional. Despite your past pain and having no closure, may you embrace this new chapter in your life. May you be filled with peace, love, wisdom, and hope. Do you need emotional support along your healing journey? If so, I offer a variety of coaching packages for Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching. To learn more, visit this page:

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