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  • Writer's pictureDana Arcuri

Feel It to Heal It

Are you struggling with abuse? Have you been challenged along your trauma recovery? If so, you are not alone.

Over the past 14 years, my perspective about my past abuse and trauma has changed. I see things in a new light. My perspective has significantly shifted. This has led to an amazing acceleration in my own trauma recovery.

I have come to realize that while I am not responsible for those who have deliberately or unintentionally hurt me, I am still responsible for doing the trauma recovery work. Ultimately, the kindest act of self-care is to make a commitment to do the grief work and trauma work. My future self says, "Thank you!"

As an abuse survivor and Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching, I have come to understand that healing is not always easy, especially if we don’t have emotional support. It is so cathartic, therapeutic, and validating to work one-on-one with a mental health professional. It could be with a licensed therapist, counselor, or a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach who is trauma-informed.

Other than seeking an ideal match for you to receive emotional support, it is helpful to educate yourself about the toxic dynamics involved with codependent, abusive relationships. To gain wisdom and discernment about how to process child abuse, sexual assaults, narcissistic abuse, sibling abuse, and learn more about trauma. Education is powerful!

Healing is an inside job. If you are so fixated on changing other people, controlling other people, or trying to make them to understand you, especially in toxic relationships, you are doing yourself a disservice.

That is not how we heal. For we are not accountable for other people, including perpetrators who have maliciously abused us.

It is self-sabotage. It may be directly linked to toxic shame. Intense shame that keeps coming up can become extremely harmful to you. It may lead to going into a vicious cycle of feeling a lack of worth. It can involve maladaptive coping mechanisms, which are also toxic and it can keep you stuck.

The good news is that there are healthier ways to cope. First, educate yourself about toxic shame. Release false guilt. For you are not the one to blame for someone who abused you; physically, mentally, sexually, spiritually, and/or financially.

If we want to become the best version of ourselves, we will take ownership of our lives. We will self-reflect. We will become responsible for our own words, actions, and behaviors.

Part of the healing journey is understanding who is meant to be in our lives versus who is poisonous for our lives. We intentionally face the truth. We bravely release anyone who is toxic for our emotional well-being.

Our safety and peace of mind come first. Setting clear boundaries is essential for all of our relationships. Learn to say “no” to anyone and anything that doesn’t align to you and your life.

In effort to move through your trauma, take time to process your past abuse. Address it with a mental health professional who is trauma-informed and experienced in the type of abuse that you have suffered.

Feel all of your human emotions in order to heal. It is the most empowering, therapeutic, and liberating experience on earth. It is like coming home to your inner child. To give voice to yourself after spending years being silenced.

May you have the courage to find your voice. To speak the truth. To share your own story even if it is with one trustworthy person. Best wishes to you and your healing journey. If you need emotional support and you are interested in working with me as a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, I would be honored to be part of your healing journey. To learn more about what I do and my coaching packages, please visit both of these informative pages on my website. Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching: Prices and Packages: Prices | My Site (

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