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  • Writer's pictureDana Arcuri

Each Day You Are No Contact, You're Healing

Have you been in toxic relationships with unhealthy dynamics? If so, you are not alone. The top life lesson that I have learned is the fact that we cannot heal if we stay in a toxic environment. We cannot recover from trauma when we are in abusive, dysfunctional relationships.

While it may not be easy to cut ties with your family, spouse, partner, or friend, if they are manipulating you then the abuse won't stop. The vicious cycle will go on.

Perpetrators, narcissists, and psychologically abusive people will go to great lengths to control you, undermine you, and criticize you. They will repeatedly hurt you and betray you. They will accuse you of being the problem. They will not respect you, nor your clear boundaries.

If you are experiencing this, it is a red flag for insidious abuse. The truth is that you cannot make them change. You cannot fix them or make them understand your viewpoint.

The ONLY person who you can change is yourself and your own life. It requires you to face the facts of your toxic relationships. It means that you take the higher path to do what is best, safest, and healthiest for YOU. The average abuser doesn't care about your feelings, your life, nor that they're treating you cruelly. If they genuinely cared about you, their actions would demonstrate kindness, nurturing, respect, and appreciation for you. People's actions will always speak louder than their words.

Like most emotional vampires, they will drain you and exhaust you, until you feel as if you're losing your mind. The goal of them manipulating you is to cause you to think you're going insane. It is their core motive. Their intent is to harm you; physically, mentally, sexually, financially, and/or spiritually.

On a brighter note, it doesn't have to be this way. You can break free from anyone who is abusing you. Yes, you may need emotional support, helpful resources, money, and a realistic plan, but you can overcome this. Have hope that this too shall pass.

As traumatized children we always dreamed that someone would come and save us. We never dreamed that it would, in fact, be ourselves, as adults.” ~Alice Little

Dear Courageous Survivor, you have endured hardships. You have been heartbroken. You have overcome fierce trials. You may have felt lost, alone, and betrayed.

Yet, look how far you have come. You rose up from the ashes. You are still standing! You are transforming as a human being. You are moving forward.

I am so proud of you. Despite how painful and stressful your healing journey has been, you are doing the hard work to recover. You have stood up for yourself in the face of intense opposition and oppression.

You are worthy of being seen, heard, believed, validated, supported, and loved. No matter how relentless your battles are, remember to stand up for yourself. To speak the truth. To have the strength to start a new season of life filled with joy, peace, and trustworthy, respectful relationships. Whether you see it or not, each day of being no contact, you are healing. One day at a time. Lastly, if them not choosing you has forced you to finally choose yourself, you won. Kudos to you, brave warrior!

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