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  • Writer's pictureDana Arcuri

15 Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship

Today's blog post is for those who have suffered abuse. The abuse could have been with your parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors, friend, intimate partner, spouse, ex-spouse/partner, teacher, doctor, therapist, clergy, or even by a stranger.

As an abuse survivor, advocate, and Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, I have a BIG heart for survivors. It is my life purpose to raise awareness about abuse and trauma. To support abuse survivors as they navigate their trauma recovery.

If people wanted you to speak warmly about them, they should have thought about that before they abused you. Abuse cuts like a knife, especially if it were by your family members.

While our home is supposed to be a safe haven, sometimes it is where we experience the most pain. Blood is not thicker than water.

According to the Gale Encyclopedia of Medicine, “Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person.

Someone who deliberately harms another person in any way is committing abuse. There are many types of abuse, including:

· Psychological abuse

· Sibling abuse

· Physical abuse

· Sexual abuse

· Verbal abuse

· Elder abuse

· Financial abuse

· Spiritual abuse

· Emotional Abuse

15 Warning Signs You’re in Abusive Relationships:

1. After habitually hurting you, the toxic person has ‘selective amnesia.’ Suddenly, they claim, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Or “I cannot remember.

2. They accuse you of doing & saying things that you didn’t do or say. This is a clear sign of projection.

3. They are highly manipulative & sneaky.

4. The abuser will gaslight you & make you doubt your own sanity.

5. They will try to make you feel guilty or ashamed in effort to blame-shift you.

6. They’re pathological liars & constantly cover up the truth.

7. They lack empathy and remorse for abusing you.

8. They accuse you of being the crazy one.

9. Typically, they have a Jekyll & Hyde persona. One minute they’re super sweet to you, but the next minute they’re cussing you out.

10. They have abrupt mood changes & emotional dysregulation. You walk on eggshells.

11. During an argument, they use physical force to hurt you.

12. They have extreme jealousy of you, your other relationships, including with your friends, family, pets, your children, & anything positive happening in your life.

13. The toxic person is very controlling of you, your life, your health, your job, your appearance, what you wear, etc.

14. They punish you for setting healthy boundaries. They continue to disrespect you & your boundaries.

15. They play the ‘victim card.’ If anything goes wrong, they say it’s your fault. Oftentimes, they accuse you of being the offender when it’s them.

All forms of relationship abuse are extremely traumatic and painful. Please know that if someone has abused you in the past or currently abusing you, there was absolutely nothing that you did to cause it. All accountabilities must be placed onto the perpetrators.

Common Emotions that are a Normal Trauma Response:

· Confused

· Exhausted

· Emotionally & physically drained

· Sadness

· Anger

· Grief & loss

· Trapped

· Heartbroken

· Betrayed

· Helpless & powerless

· Depression & anxiety

· Toxic shame & guilt

Despite the lame excuses of why someone hurt you, abuse is not caused by alcohol, drugs, stress, anger management, or provocation. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

Ultimately, it is the perpetrator’s choice to be abusive. We must hold the abusers accountable. It sends a clear message to others that abuse will not be tolerated.

Options to End the Abuse Cycle:

· Seek emotional support with a licensed therapist or Certified Trauma Recovery Coach.

· Speak to at least one trustworthy person.

· Go no contact with abusive people, including family members.

· Contact your local authorities and/or an attorney.

· Get a restraining order if you feel unsafe or if someone threatens you.

· Document what they say and do. One never knows if they will land in court. The documents are your evidence that yes, the abuse did happen. And yes, it really was that bad.

· Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

You cannot heal in the same toxic environment and abusive relationships, which deeply hurt you. Healing requires you to name the abusers.

Healing involves utter honest. Even it if feels uncomfortable. To acknowledge your abuse. To address it. To face what they did and said to you. To love yourself enough that you bravely reclaim your life to rescue your own self.

Dear Survivor, you are not alone in your trauma recovery. You are so worthy of being treated with gentleness, kindness, and respect. You are worthy of processing your past abuse and traumatic events in a nonjudgmental way. You are worthy of receiving emotional support.

As a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, I work with women and men. I provide my clients with voice and choice in their trauma recovery. This means they are seen, heard, validated, and their boundaries respected. I offer nonjudgmental emotional support to each client.

Ready to get started on your healing journey? Currently, I have a sale on my One-Month Certified Trauma Recovery Coaching Package. Typically, one-month coaching offers 4 one-hour sessions with me via Zoom. With my awesome sale, when you sign up for one-month coaching, you receive a 5th session for FREE. It is a $125 savings, which is incredible! The deadline to make your electronic payment is Monday, October 10, 2022.

For details about how to sign up and what you will receive, check out my blog post here. Buy One-Month Coaching & Get a 5th Session for FREE (

A large portion of today's post is an excerpt from my 6th book, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free from Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma. Order your copy on Amazon:

For inquiries, complete the contact information. Best wishes to each of you as you navigate your healing journey.

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