Of course, if there's a medical condition, sickness, or an imminent death, there is no age limit on this season in life. The chronic illness can take a major toll not only on the narcissist, but also on their children, spouse, friends, and so forth. Even with the best of patients who are not well, an illness is demanding and stressful.
When an elderly narcissist loses their youth, oftentimes they become increasingly agitated, paranoid, and hostile. Without their good looks, they lose their ability to charm others, which ticks them off.
This may lead to unexpected outbursts of anger, profanities, and verbal abuse. The narc is so unhappy with themselves and their frail bodies, they lash out at others. They will criticize you, fat-shame you, and say cruel remarks about your appearance.
Most senior citizens are grateful in their older age. They are thankful for their past achievements, for positive opportunities, such as traveling or enjoying their hobbies, and they are grateful for their children and grandchildren. Not the narcissist!
They are hyper-focused on what they didn’t achieve, on what didn’t work out, and on their failings, including broken marriages and relationships. Most narcissists have hopped from one partner to another. Due to how volatile they are, each toxic relationship ends badly in which the narcissist always blames the other person. They refuse to take responsibility for the part they played in relationships, including marriages that break up.
The aging narcissist becomes more bitter and jealous of others. They cannot stand when their own children are successful as well as leading happing lives and marriages. It makes them seething mad! They want everyone to be equally as miserable as they are.
They will verbally attack family, friends, and strangers for anything and everything. They criticize them as humans, as parents, and as a spouse. They're habitual gossips. Remember, the narcissist puts people down in effort to lift themselves up because they have an extremely low self-esteem and lack confidence.
If the narcissist is old, ill, or dying, beware of them misbehaving much worse. They have no filter for what spews out of their mouths. Their cruel words are like venom, which is purposely meant to sting you and hurt you.
Have you ever noticed that with age, most elderly folks have gained wisdom? With maturity, most senior citizens have learned valuable life lessons. Not the narc! They do not learn from past mistakes. Instead, they continually repeat the same mistakes and malicious behaviors over and over, harming innocent people.
Sadly, the elderly, sick, and/or dying narcissists are like a tornado who destroys everyone and everything in their pathway. They viciously abuse their children (young and old), pets, friends, and partners. It can be mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and even sexual abuse.
Due to the narcissists cognitive decline through aging, they will accidentally tell on their own selves. When you call them out on it, they suddenly pretend they have amnesia. They deny everything and they're pathological liars.
Please understand that you cannot fix them, nor change them. The narcissist, regardless of being older, ill, or dying, will never ever change. They will never take accountability for their evil, sinful actions, words, and behaviors.
When the narcissist becomes sick or has a terminal illness, they become outraged, bitter, more sinister, violent, and display mentally unstable behaviors. In addition, they use their medical conditions to demand that everyone takes care of them and their needs.
The ill narcissist will try to make their family, especially the scapegoat, to feel guilty for not living up to their unrealistic expectations. They will shame you and blame you for not visiting enough, not calling them enough, and not doing enough. Despite your generosity, time, money, genuine concern, and efforts, in the narcs eyes, you will never be enough. They are very unappreciative of you and anything you do for them.
Oftentimes, they will talk smack about you to your siblings and relatives, accusing you of things that are not true. They triangulate your relationships with your siblings, purposely tearing them apart. The narcissists finds great pleasure in controlling how others see you; gossiping about you, name-calling, and maliciously spreading rumors about you.
Unfortunately, most siblings (AKA Flying Monkeys) fall through the narcissist trap; hook, line, and sinker. They blindly defend and protect the narcissist, especially if they are sick or dying. Unfortunately, they fail to see how toxic and abusive the narcissist is, which continues the cycle of abuse.
The most sly trick up the Narcissists' sleeve is how they love to play the victim card. Oh woo is me! They are chronic complainers with a pessimistic mentality. Every day is doom and gloom for them. They go above and beyond the call of duty to have everyone pity them. They demand your sympathy and will use it to regain control over you.
The clever narcissist will use their medical condition to manipulate family, friends, and even their doctors. They are bossy and high maintenance. As they become increasingly sick, they will become more erratic, unstable, screaming, mentally abusing you, and in some cases physically violent.
Most seniors will mellow through time and age. Not the narc! They get worse, especially with sickness and terminal illness.
Their self-centeredness intensifies with age and illness. They want all attention on them. Beware of this toxic trap, used to guilt you out to remain in the unhealthy relationship with them.
The elderly, ill, and dying narc becomes quite combative. They fight with everyone, they’re argumentative, including with strangers. The narcissist is an emotional vampire who will suck the life, peace, and joy out of you. They will chronically drain you.
Brace yourself. When they lose their narcissistic supply and cannot control others, they are like a bomb ready to explode! By all means, seek safety. It's understandable why so many people have gone no contact with narcissists. These hostile relationships can take a negative toll on you and your own health.
IMPORTANT: Going no contact with the narcissist is NOT about their age, illness, or if they are near end of life. Ultimately, it's about a person who is abusive, violent, and extremely toxic.
When you go no contact with a narcissist it’s about YOU, YOUR life, YOUR emotional wellness, YOUR physical health, and YOUR boundaries.
Please don’t permit an elderly, sick, or dying narcissist to guilt you out or shame you. This has nothing to do with their medical condition. Do not make excuses for them, such as "They are old, they are frail, or they have ________." (Whichever medical condition.)
The bottom line is this: It's not about an illness. It has everything to do with ABUSE; physical, emotional, mental, sexual, & spiritual abuse. This is not something new. These toxic behaviors have been going on for a lifetime. Way before the medical condition, the diagnosis, and the old age started.
Whether you choose to go low contact or full no contact, here's helpful tips for you:
- Do not compromise your healthy boundaries and self-respect.
- Consider detaching yourself from the narcissist.
- Don't neglect your own health; physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
- In some cases, such as with a narcissist ex-spouse, grey rock is an option.
- Never sacrifice your inner peace.
Do you have an elderly, ill, or dying narcissist in your life? If so, share how you manage this unhealthy dynamic and what works best for you.