Instead, they project themselves onto the victim. They don’t get it. They don't understand what they haven not permitted themselves to see. In many cases, they haven’t done the hard work of dealing with their own painful past. Therefore, they refuse to face someone else’s deep wounds.
So they use platitudes, religion, and criticism to judge the hurting victim. They silence them. They may think they’re helpful, but actually they are hurtful.
Abuse survivors do not need more faith. They don’t need to pray harder. They don't need to have thicker skin. They do not need to “just get over it and move on.”
Most importantly of all, abuse survivors don’t need people demanding them to “forgive and forget.” It’s not anyone’s place to tell survivors how to heal. Forgiveness is NOT a prerequisite to trauma recovery.
Was there repentance? No. Was there genuine remorse for abusing someone? No. Did they stop gaslighting? No. Was there a tangible change in the toxic person? No.
It's all too common for the abusive folks to not take responsibility for their evil words, actions, and behaviors. For them to habitually deny the truth. To accuse the victims of causing their own trauma. Or to claim it never happened. Let's call out a spade for a spade. It's BS!
Each survivor is on their own healing path. Stop comparing yourselves to others. This isn't a competition.
What’s therapeutic for them may not necessarily be the same for another person. Not for you and not for me. Healing child abuse, sexual assaults, PTSD, narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, and trauma is personal. It’s not up for condemnation, nor debates.
FYI: Don't be surprised when toxic people turn it into a debate. It's their go-to tactics to shift all of the accountability off of themselves. They will never change. Mute them, block them, and carry on!
Essentially, what abuse survivors truly need is more compassion. More kindness. More empathy. More understanding. More validation. More caring. More gentleness. More listening. And more unconditional love. ❤️
If you haven't dealt with your painful past and if you haven't begun to do the hard work of facing your own trauma, do NOT silence those brave souls who seek to make peace with their past. Understand that it takes great courage and strength to rise above the painful wounds.
The greatest gift you can give is to sit with someone in deep pain. To let them talk about it. To listen to them in a nonjudgmental way.
Please do not try to fix their pain or make it go away. Love them right where they are at. In the darkness, in the turmoil, and in the scars of yesterday. Love wins!
#LoveWins #TraumaInformed #AbuseSurvivors #PTSD #NarcissisticAbuse #ChildAbuse #CSA #MeToo #Compassion #Empathy #HealingPath #KindnessMatters