Dana Arcuri
  • Home
  • About Dana
  • Blog
  • Books
  • Speaking
  • Writing Coach
  • Sign Up
  • Wellness & Nutrition

BLOG

Reflections on life, health, faith, and being true to yourself...

When Christians Faith-Shame Other Christians

12/15/2016

9 Comments

 
Picture
At the beginning of this year, my daughter challenged me to become more vulnerable on my blog and social media. To put myself out there for those to see me as I truly am. A real woman with real battles. An overcomer. On fire for Christ. Sometimes struggling with hard, yet hysterical ADHD moments. A deep thinking gal who is not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve. Or risk being "found out" that she doesn't have it altogether. 

Openly, I admit that it can be intimating to walk in transparency. To risk being judged, criticized, or condemned. What I didn't expect was to be faith-shamed by other Christians. To have my own words twisted in such a fashion that others misinterpret them, misunderstand me, or verbally attack my faith as being less than what it actually is. 

Recently, I shared a difficult situation on social media. It was a lifelong struggle that I've had being raised without my dad. Briefly, I exposed some hurting areas that were like peeling a bandage off an old wound. So I bare my heart and soul trusting that someone else may be experiencing a similar issue with their mom, dad, or a family member. 

I shared a genuinely painful piece of myself. Not for those to feel sorry for me. Not for sympathy. I did it because I want to be real. To have meaningful discussions with others who relate to me or the topic. Or both.

I sincerely enjoy connecting with others on social media. To chat online about important subjects that can change us, transform us, and grow our faith. Also, when I step out to be transparent, I believe it helps others not be so afraid to share a little bit about themselves, too. It breaks the ice so we can all come to realize that we are not alone. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are in this together like one big family. 

As I review the message that I had written, I have no idea how or why it can be misinterpreted into something that it is not. I cannot conceive the reason behind another Christian taking my real struggles and turning it against me. That some how my challenges with my earthly dad get twisted into another Christian claiming that I have a "spirit of rejection."

Let me get this straight. After candidly sharing that for 50+ years I've tried with all my might to heal my relationship with my dad and that I don't think restoration will happen on this side of heaven, suddenly I'm told that I need "delivered?"  

To be absolutely blunt, I'm over being shamed by other Christians. To vulnerably be open about my life and then have fellow believers slam me with flippant comments that belittle me, hurt me, and publicly humiliate me. 

I've come to see it's not just happening to me. I see it often on Facebook. Christians fighting with other Christians. Usually, it starts with someone posting something about their faith or their life or even a minor, innocent topic. Then another believer blames them for not being a "good enough" Christian. They ridicule them. Condemn them. On occasion, they blast them with scriptures as if they were beating the Bible over this other person's head to make a point. 

And the point is...

The one Christian believes they are more knowledgeable, more Christlike, more filled with the Holy Spirit. They look down upon other Christians. They frown upon anything that does not live up to perfection. Or that doesn't replicate their own selves. They play "God" in effort to show people their sin, flaws, and weaknesses. Or they wrongfully judge someone and make false accusations. 

This holier-than-thou approach is nothing more than a smug, self-righteous attitude. Pure hypocrisy. It's a complete turn off to non-Christians and gives Christianity a bad name. Quiet frankly, it nauseates me because this is not an example of who Jesus is. 

When we take a close look at Jesus we discover that He hung out with the drunks, tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners. He accepted and loved everyone. Despite people's imperfections, He treated them with compassion and grace. He didn't point the finger at the adulterous, condemn the sinner, or humiliate those who were simply being real. 

Yet there's Christians who feel the need to bring others down as they puff themselves up. This faith-shaming is demeaning and disrespectful to other Christians. It causes division inside and outside the church. It clearly reveals that at the root of faith-shaming is legalism. 


From ancient days, Christians have fallen into the evil trap of legalism where they set a system of man-made regulations for achieving salvation and spiritual growth. People who are legalistic believe in and demand a strict adherence to these rules. For those who don't adhere to these precepts are considered outcasts. Legalism turns away ordinary folks from all walks of life who may desire to know God on a deeper level, yet they feel ashamed and unworthy of His love and grace. 

Author, speaker, and pastor, Mike Yaconelli, addresses this topic in his book, Messy Spirituality, by saying, "Accepting the reality of our broken, flawed lives is the beginning of spirituality not because the spiritual life will remove our flaws but because we let go of seeking perfection and, instead, seek God, the one who is present in the tangledness of our lives." 

At the core of spirituality is a relationship with Jesus Christ. When we focus on drawing close to our heavenly Maker, there is no shame, no blame, and no bashing other Christians. When we are intimately connected with the Lord, there's a peace unlike any other on earth. We don't need to compete for His attention with others because He accepts and loves each one of us unconditionally. 

Although I may never understand why some Christians feel the need to faith-shame other Christians, today I pray that God will give me the courage to speak the truth in love and to make peace. If you have experienced faith-shaming, did you defend your faith? How did you respond when another Christian hurt you, offended you, or humiliated you? 

​
9 Comments

Broken, Brave, Faithful Warrior

12/6/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Some people may call me a dreamer. Others may refer to me as a deep thinker. While I may be a little of both, I'm always reflecting on the world around me. The resourceful side of myself must unravel the mysteries of this messy place we know as life.

So as I process what's happening all around me, I come to a better understanding of who I truly am. Truthfully, this can be scary at times. Moments of despair when I face my 
frailties. When there is no hiding my head in the sand pretending that my flaws or 
weaknesses don't exist.

Instead, I openly distinguish both good and bad. My strengths and my weaknesses. To 
acknowledge that I am broken. Yet I am also a brave and faithful warrior. A woman of courage who knows her painful past and who isn't afraid to share it. Because within those dark pages, I've been pruned and shaped into a new person. 

Layers upon layers have been stripped away. Oftentimes, it was like God took a hedge trimmer to pull out the weeds. It hurt like a scorching fire. To lose what you once held dear to your heart. To experience opposition of every shape and size. For your faith to be tested like gold. To battle your will for the Lord's will when you finally reach a sweet surrender.

While the battle was fierce, it opened up my eyes to a new boldness. To rise up to become transparent. To simply walk in authenticity. To not be anyone other than who Christ created me to be; a diamond in the rough meant to shine brilliantly.

Somewhere along this transforming journey, I came to a new path where I could see-through the facade others hide behind. A game where they've become entrenched for so long that they don't realize they're wearing a mask. Their masquerade may disguise who they are inside. A hurting, broken soul who feels trapped to continue this charade. 

What I've noticed this year is some people in my life who resent my transparency. They liked the old me better than the new me. They prefer that I continue riding this merry go round in a vicious cycle of denial. At it's best is deception. At it's worst is pure evil. 

Beyond an issue of them overstepping my boundaries is the concern that they can't handle when I'm real. For when I am real, I speak the truth. When I am real, I share those rock bottom moments that expose those slimy dark places. The hurting heart that was slashed open. The rocky marriage falling apart. The temptations luring us into the web of the enemy who wants nothing more than to kill, steal, and destroy each one of us. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 (ESV)

My friends, if there is nothing else you gain from this blog I pray it is this: When we are real and share our failings, it helps others to know that they are not alone. When we expose are brokenness to walk in authenticity it opens doors for those around us to do the same. It's truth-telling about all areas within our lives. 

No, we are not perfect, but we have one faithful God who is. Despite our own weaknesses and mistakes, He still pours out His grace. Although we may not deserve it, He forgives us and washes our past as white as snow.

Part of His plan and purpose for our lives is to be authentic Christians. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of wearing a false mask. I don't want to pretend I have it altogether. Or hide the truth about myself just to blend in with everyone else.

Instead, I want to be true to myself. I crave to be real, to be open, and to be loved for who I am. The imperfect, ADHD gal who is broken, brave, and a faithful warrior for Christ. A passionate writer who yearns to share a positive message of hope.

Sometimes we want to fit in. To be loved and accepted by others. We can become so desperate for their approval that we wear a false mask. Today, I encourage you to let go of all pretenses. To not be phony or pretend that you are someone who you are not. To face your fears about being found out. To walk in transparency as you relish being the amazing person who God designed you to be. 
​

0 Comments

    Faith Inspired Author

    I'm a passionate author & speaker who wants to encourage you to live a life following your dreams. To not just merely survive, but to THRIVE!

    Archives

    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly