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Reflections on life, health, faith, and being true to yourself...

When God is Silent

1/30/2017

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No matter if we're new Christians or seasoned Christians, there will be times when God is silent. Heart-wrenching moments when our prayers go unanswered. Seasons that are dry and barren. It could be weeks, months, or years. Confused, we ask, "Lord, where are you?" 

For the past few years, I've been going through what I refer to as a spiritual wilderness. A time when I feel alone. When I'm battling trials in which it seems as if nobody understands. Earnestly, I cry out to Jesus in desperation. I long to hear His voice. Yet there is no response. 

As the days progress into weeks and then into months, the quietness surrounds me. Overwhelmed, I soak myself into praise and worship music. It's my positive distraction to keep sane. To take my mind off of the silence. To sing out loud the uplifting tunes. To immerse myself into the words that promise Christ hasn't forgotten me. 


What does it mean when the Lord is silent, despite our frantic pleas? Does it mean that He's abandoned us? That He doesn't care for us? Or that we've done something wrong to cause Him to turn His back on us? These are the questions that baffled me. The kind of thoughts that kept me awake at night.

This is when it seemed as though God was far away from me. When I've experienced the quiet echoes of unanswered prayers. Like last March when my mom lay in the hospital bed after brain surgery to remove a tumor. Her doctor explained the cancer spread and all he could do was try to keep it at bay. Regardless of chemotherapy, radiation, and modern medicine, my mother's battling stage three brain cancer.  

Three months later, an opportunity presented itself for me to work full-time as a licensed beauty expert. Initially, I was torn over it since I want to support my mom and spend more time with her. Financially, our one income family was in a crisis. We truly needed both my husband and I to make ends meet.

Something had to give. I felt it was necessary to give up my writing dream in order to bring in consistent paychecks. I prayed. I pleaded with the Lord to open this door if it was His will for me to work outside the home. After four interviews and three long months, I was offered the position. Joyfully, I did the happy dance in celebration! 

During my first week on the job, I discovered it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. There was not much focus on providing beauty consultations or makeovers. Instead, it became apparent that this position was a glorified stock person. Within four days, my Fibromyalgia was flaring, my low lumbar area was spasming in pain, and I couldn't stand up straight. 

Bewildered, I questioned why God would allow me to gain employment only for it to abruptly end with a physical injury. Where was He? How come my prayers were answered only to lead me back to square one? Why did He desert me?

The silence was deafening...

Unrelenting, I refused to stop praying. Instead, I created the most audacious prayer. Maybe it was pure lunacy or a last-ditch effort to grab God's attention. At this point, what did I have to lose since I had already quit my job and had no clue what to do? 

Sometimes, drastic circumstances require drastic measures. In my case, I asked God to do something a little bit crazy. Yes, that's right, I boldly took a leap of faith when I asked the Lord to not only answer my pray, but to use tangible evidence to prove it. Kinda like extra assurance that Jesus hears me and it's a way to confirm it.

So on a beautiful autumn day, I fearlessly prayed, "Jesus, I know You're here. I know that You have a specific plan for me. I sense that You may be calling me to write my fourth book. A sacred wandering for others who are traveling a spiritual wilderness. If this truly is You and not me, could you please show me three red cardinals at the exact same time?" 

No sooner did I say this when I kid you not, the cardinals disappeared. POOF! Just like that they were no longer in my yard. Wherever I went, there were no cardinals anywhere. This is when it became comical. I started reminding the Lord out loud of what I prayed for. 

My prayers became more strident: "Father, I am not appreciating your humor. This silence and missing cardinals is not funny. I boldly stepped out in faith and now would be a great time to hear from You." 

Apparently, we can't tell God what to do. I get it. He's not a Santa Clause or a magician. We can't expect to get answers to prayer when it's not in His timing. Oftentimes, we may impatiently be tapping our foot waiting for His response when part of His plan is simply to test our faith. Will we mumble and grumble like a toddler having a temper tantrum? Will we quit praying before the blessing comes? 

Following weeks of silence, I realized that my prayer didn't have a timeline. That it could be months or years before I would hear from my heavenly Father. In the humdrum of my daily routine, I humbled myself before God. Perhaps, my faith was being stretched, but I knew what I knew what I knew about Him. 

His Word says that He will not forsake me. He promises that He will not abandon me. He declares that He won't fail me. (Hebrews 13:5) 

Sitting alone in my room, I pressed into my Savior. I approached Him with confidence and concern. "God, I believe that if You want me to write this book then You will show me three red cardinals. In the past, You have always been faithful. You have continuously worked powerfully in my life. I believe You. This isn't too difficult for You. I may not know when You're going to do it, but I trust You will."

Several weeks past by. Still no cardinals in sight. Only silence. It was a teachable moment to grow my faith in the dark. That even when we can't hear the Lord's voice or feel His presence, He is still near. I love an inspiring quote by Tony Evans who says, "
When God is silent, He is not still. God does some of His best work in the dark. Trust Him – He's there.” 

One morning, I was doing my gentle stretches to reduce my Fibro pain. I was laying on my bed with my backyard in perfect view. Out of nowhere, I saw a red cardinal fly into my yard. Quickly, I sat up. This caught my attention. Then a second cardinal came into my yard. I rushed to my window and peered out. To my surprise, a third red cardinal flew into my backyard. I was blown away!

All three birds were meandering here and there. They flew around, but not with one another. Suddenly, the cardinals flew into alignment. In the blink of an eye, they were in a horizontal line. For a second, it was as if time stopped. As if Jesus joyfully shouted, "One. Two. Three. Look what I did!"

In awe, I admired the three red cardinals in this brilliant moment when God stepped in to graciously answer my prayer. Prior to this remarkable event, I had never in my life seen three red cardinals at the same time, nor had I seen any birds fluttering together in a horizontal line.  


To me, this amazing demonstration from God (using three cardinals as a tangible sign) was confirmation to write my fourth book, Sacred Wondering: Growing Your Faith in the Dark. Had I not seen the red cardinals at the same time, I would not have believed it was the Lord's will for me to write this nonfiction. The lesson learned: Silence can be the birthing that God may be doing a new thing. We may not visually see it, but that doesn't mean it's not happening. 

Along this sacred wondering, I've gained valuable nuggets along the way. God's silence doesn't mean He is absent. When we struggle with not hearing or sensing the Lord is near, reading scriptures helps strengthen our faith. It's  a weapon to use against the enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy our faith or place doubts in our mind. As we ponder the silence, we must return to the Word. For it is the lifeline to our Savior, especially when we can't hear His still soft voice. 

In quiet moments, lean on the Bible that proclaims, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you." (Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT)

Next, a season of silence is an opportunity to create a hunger for Him. Could it be that His silence is meant to reignite intimacy with our Father? For us to dive in deeper to our Heavenly Maker? In my own experience, I came to realize that I no longer needed "stuff" from God. Rather, all I wanted was Him. To sit at His feet and know Him more. For the Holy Spirit to be in my presence. That wherever the Spirit moved and stirred, I was right smack center of His midst.


Lastly, when God is silent it builds our trust. We learn to trust Him with both the small and large details of our lives. We trust Him when our teenager drives our car alone for the first time. We trust Him when the diagnosis is terminal and we're laying in a puddle of tears. We trust Him when we lose our home and our bank account is empty. We trust Him as our spouse walks out the door to never return. 

​As we grow our faith, as we wait in silence, as we listen for His voice, we have hope that He will speak. It may not be a loud boom or thunder, but a soft whisper. He may use a song, a butterfly, a sermon, a stranger, or even a red cardinal, but there is hope that God will come through for us.

Today, I encourage you to not lose heart even in the silence and solitude. Be patient and wait on it. For Christ can't be heard through the clatter and noise. It is only in the silence and stillness that God's mighty work is done. 


“My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.” Psalm 62:5 (NASB)
​


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The Facebook Comparison Trap

1/9/2017

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On New Year's Day, I rung in 2017 by taking a Facebook break. To step away in order to step into my passionate purpose. To enjoy my "real" life, instead of getting sidetracked with my virtual life. To embrace my strengths, gifts, and how God wants me to use them. Most importantly, to take a time out in effort to create healthy boundaries on social media.

Today is day 9 of my mini-vacation. It's been refreshing, energizing, and productive! If you missed my first post of this blog series, Why I'm Taking Facebook Breaks, you can read it by clicking onto the link. www.danaarcuri.com/blog/why-im-taking-facebook-breaks

​The comparison trap is nothing new. Before modern technology, I'd be perusing a fashion magazine or watching my favorite movie. While I'd admire the flawless skin of a famous model or adore her beautiful sleek gown that fit her like a glove, something in me would feel inferior. I wasn't thin enough. My teeth were not straight enough. My tummy wasn't flat enough. Basically, I just wasn't enough!

Of course, photoshop can make even the most ordinary of women appear extraordinary. Our world has distorted beauty. It's led countless females to go to great lengths in the quest to look the best. Eating disorders. Depression. Cosmetic surgery. That's just to name a few consequences of getting caught up in the comparison trap. 

While most people will not admit they compare themselves to others from time to time, I believe it's our human nature. According to Waking Times in their article, The Science of Why Humans Constantly Compare Themselves to Others, "Human beings have a tendency to compare themselves to others and it is as automatic as any other human emotion. But the negative effects of comparisons keep us from our growth and embracing our greatest abilities to share with others."

Although outer appearance may be one method of comparing ourselves to others, it's not the only way. When we're scrolling through our Facebook newsfeed, we're bombarded with exciting news about our friends or family. A new shiny car. Caribbean cruise. A big promotion. Or there's the nonstop posts where people share pictures of their gorgeous home, newly decorated living room, or remodeled kitchen. And there's constantly people sharing their children's success in school, college, or some form of accomplishment. 

As we continue gazing at our newsfeed, we read a post where someone's sharing a beautiful image of her and her husband. Joyfully, the woman shares how wonderful her partner is, how perfect their marriage is, how much they are in love, and that they never ever fight. (Silently, I'm thinking, "You've got to be kidding. There's no marriage made in heaven!)


In the meanwhile, her husband spends more time at his office with his secretary than he does at home with his family. What we don't see on Facebook is that behind the scenes, this attractive smiling couple is on the brink of an ugly divorce. That they're going to spend the next year in court fighting over who gets to keep the house and how they're going to split up child custody. 

People want to put their best foot forward. They want to give a good impression that they're happy and successful, especially on Facebook. For some folks, it's embarrassing to admit their marriage is on the rocks, they're in foreclosure, or they gained 25 lbs over the holidays. That's why we see posts of gifts, vacations, or dining out, instead of a status that says, "We're falling apart and can use your prayers."

Of course, there are many legitimate posts that are real. Authentic people sharing their lives in various ways on Facebook. Transparent family and friends, near and far, who overall are doing quite well. 
Although I'm sincerely happy for them to have these positive blessings in their lives, I can't help but ask God, "Why not me?"

Seriously, I'm baffled at why everyone else seems to get ahead in life, become more successful, prosper, have wonderful marriages, enjoy multiple vacations, afford all of the good in life, their books fly off the shelves as bestsellers, their kids are self-motivated and flourishing, and everything appears perfect. 


​Humbly, this leads me straight into the arms of Jesus. When I cry out to share my disappointment, 
anger, and jealousy. When I confess my envy and I ask God for forgiveness. And when I'm truly being honest with myself, I can admit there are moments when Facebook causes me to feel overwhelmed. I get so tired of watching everyone else get ahead in life, while I feel like a hamster stuck on that darn wheel. I keep trying to work harder and faster, but despite my efforts, I'm running in vicious circles getting nowhere.

Eventually, I grow weary and depressed so I must unplug. 
I take time out to focus on what is good in my life. It's only during this quite moment that I can start to see the bigger picture. That God has a perfect plan for me. He does bless me abundantly. My purpose and my blessings may not look like other peoples. It may not be in a worldly or monetary way. Instead, I must surrender my idea of successful and my vision of what my life "should" look like to simply let God be God. 


The best way to avoid falling into the Facebook comparison trap is to create healthy boundaries on social media. From time to time, step away and take frequent breaks. For some people, it may be for 24 hours. For others, it can mean one week or one month, depending on the circumstance. 

Also, we must realize that what we read and see on social media in no way reflects 100% of what is truly going on in these people's lives. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we need to discover our identity with Christ. The only way to fully grasp His unconditional love for us and how much He cherishes us is to dive into His Word. Sometimes we need a daily reminder, which is another reason to unplug from Facebook so we can tune into God. 

As for my 9 day Facebook break, it's improved my attitude, increased my prayer time alone with God, and gave me the opportunity to reach out to feed a homeless man. I feel more at peace, more motivation, and experiencing brighter moods. Most exciting of all, I hear the Lord's calling upon my life. He's guided me to write my fourth book, Sacred Wandering: Growing Your Faith in the Dark. I'm on top of the world getting much writing accomplished! 

In addition, I'm able to truly be present in the moment with my husband and kids. To have uninterrupted time together. To help my daughter type her resume and pursue her dream job. To munch on chips with my husband as we relax to watch our favorite show. To have deeper and more meaningful conversations. To go shopping with my mom whose been battling brain cancer for ten months. To treasure these moments. To make the most of each day.


If you're wondering when I'm going to return to Facebook, I haven't made a final decision. However, I'd like to continue my break for at least another week. Now that I'm moving and grooving with my writing, I want to take advantage of this quality time. 

If you ever got caught up in the comparison trap how did this impact your confidence? Do you need little breaks from Facebook? Have you created healthy boundaries on social media? Feel free to leave a comment or share your own Facebook experiences. 

Blessings, 
Dana


“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick ​


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Why I'm Taking Facebook Breaks

1/2/2017

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Before I share about what led me to take frequent Facebook breaks, I need to give a little back story. In March 2009, one of my online friends told me about Twitter. No sooner did I jump on the bandwagon with this new social media when I heard from the same gal about Facebook. Curious what the hype was all about, I created my own account.

In the early days of Facebook, I enjoyed connecting with friends and family. Those who lived long distance as well as in my area. Old friends and new friends, I loved interacting with all walks of life. As an extrovert with a bubbly personality, I've always thrived through communicating with others. To share similar interests with music and art. To swap the top beauty and fashion trends. To discuss our faith and spiritual beliefs. 

Everyone has their own unique reason for being on Facebook. For me, it was the social aspect and the ability to widen my circle of friends. Some of the most incredible women who are encouraging, uplifting, and changing our world for the better have spurred me on to follow my passion for writing. They have had a remarkable influence upon my life to help me realize that I can turn my dreams into a reality. 

In the first few years of using Facebook, it was not an everyday thing. I had a busy life working in the beauty industry as a licensed stylist specializing in makeup artistry and esthetic skincare. As an ADDer mom raising three ADDer children, it was hard enough juggling my chaotic life wearing many hats, let alone keeping up with social media. 

I was foremost a mom who cooked, cleaned, and did my best to give my kids quality time. I wanted to be the kind of mother that I never had. To sit on the floor as I played with my children. To create silly stories as I tucked each child into bed at night. To fully participate in their lives to make sure they knew how valuable, worthy, and precious they were. Not just to me, but to God. 

It's not that I wasn't important to my own mom. It's simply that she unexpectedly found herself alone raising five little girls by herself. In order to make ends meet, she was forced to work outside the home. There wasn't enough hours in the day for her to be Wonder Woman. Looking back, I know that my mother did the best she could with what she had at that season in her life. Truly, it was her courage and strength that has made me into the person I am today. 

When I reflect on how Facebook has evolved through the years, I can't pinpoint when the shift started. All I know is that it was subtle. One slight change led to another. Over the years, as this popular website became the hottest craze, it was kind of like the frog that was placed into cool water in a pot on the stove. Not sensing danger, the frog stayed. Slowly, the heat increased in temperature. Yet by the time the innocent frog realized he was boiling in hot water, he was too weak to jump out and was cooked to death. 

How does the frog analogy relate to you or me? In my opinion, I believe that over the course of these years, Facebook cleverly desensitized us. It was not overnight. Instead, their website changes that have occurred one by one were done in such a smooth manner that we didn't even realize it.

One example is the privacy issue. Gradually, Facebook has been chipping away at our privacy.  Quietly, they have stripped us from having private accounts, regardless of our settings. Did you know that even if you are posting on a private group or secret group, Facebook can read and use that information?

According to Modern Alternative Mama in her article, If Privacy Matters to You, "They can (and do) share it with marketing partners. And if you post a picture of your kids and set it to show to close friends only, Facebook owns that image and could use it in advertising. Without letting you know first - because you agreed to it when you signed up."  


In another article by Alex Hern on his website, The Guardian, he states, “Despite the fact that a privacy setting means that “only friends” can look me up using the email address and phone number provided, the company still feeds the information into its matching algorithms, meaning it's able to connect me in its own database with any other user who has uploaded their address book to the site.” 

Remember that confidential message you wrote to your friend on Facebook recently? Well, it's not so private after all. As for your cell phone, your number, location, pictures, contact list, text messages, and personal information, from my understanding it's no longer private once we agreed to Facebook's policies. You can't opt out of it. Either, you agree and use Facebook or you choose to not agree in which you will not be permitted to have an account on this website. To sum it up bluntly: There is zero privacy on Facebook. (Do not just take my word for it. I urge you to do your own thorough research. There's plenty of credible facts and information available to gain more insight.)

If the lack of privacy isn't bad enough or that our lives have become an open book for the world to view, another reason for taking Facebook vacations is for pure sanity. In between the political battles, website bullying, adults with junior high behaviors, and downright verbal attacks, is it any wonder that we haven't gone mad? Through the years, I've noticed this negativity has escalated and become the norm. 

Quite honestly, there are days when I'm scrolling through Facebook when all I see are critical, gloomy, and devastating posts. Someone's neighbor was killed in a car accident. The woman in my Bible study lost her job. A father's son was a victim of a home invasion. Two people are bickering over who should have become president. My friend's husband has been cheating on her. Someone's bashing another Christian for not going to church. At least a handful of people I know have been diagnosed with cancer and my mom is included. 

...and my heart is breaking.  

This world we live in is so troubled. On a daily basis, sometimes hourly, we're bombarded with traumatic and catastrophic events on social media. If we're really going to be real, let's admit that it disturbs us. Let's for one minute agree that sometimes being on Facebook is just too much. That being human means feeling someone else's pain, hurting when they hurt, and having compassion for those less fortunate.

Today, in preparation to write this post, I did a whole lot of soul-searching and self-reflecting. As I walked up the steps heading to my bedroom, I said out loud, "If Facebook has desensitized us so much, how come I feel so darn sensitive to everything? How come all of these sad posts overwhelm me so much that I must unplug?" 

My eighteen year old daughter who overheard me softly said, "Mom, it's because you care too much."  

So there you have it, my friends. I am guilty as charged. I care too much. Yes, I do wear my heart on my sleeve. However, I believe that caring is exactly what the Lord asks us to do. He says, "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) 

My top purpose for remaining on Facebook is because I believe my author page is encouraging, gives people hope, and grows their faith. I share my own trials and tribulations as well as how I've overcome struggles to help people know that with God anything is possible. Countless times, I've received private messages or emails from strangers who somehow found me on Facebook to say that my books, blogs, or posts motivated them to not give up on themselves. Whether it's one person or a million, my mission in life is to have a positive impact. 

While I've worked diligently on Facebook to create new content, I had to take a step back in 2016 to determine that it was depleting not only my time to write books, but my valuable time with my own family. Time management is a big issue for all forms of social media. I've read savvy articles about professionals who only spend fifteen minutes daily on Facebook. Seriously, I'm stumped how they can pull this off. Perhaps, they have a personal assistant or someone working for them? New authors usually don't have that luxury or the budget, which means we must work longer to get our names and material out there to build our platform. I have two things to say about that: Time-consuming!

This leads me to the next reason why I must refrain from spending all day and night on Facebook. It's easy to lose track of time. To get sucked into the cute picture of the precious puppy my friend shared or the hysterical post about my friend's wacky date with the cute guy she accidentally spilt coffee on at Starbucks.  

You may log in to quickly check on what your friends are up to. Before you know it, two hours have flown by. Between status updates, wishing happy birthday to five friends, watching a live video, participating in a group discussion, and responding to a few messages, a large chunk of your time is gone. 

...and you feel badly about yourself.

It can irritate you, disappoint you, or even cause you to feel guilty. You just wasted your morning, afternoon, or evening on Facebook. Or if you're like some people who are addicted to Facebook, you spent the entire day on this website. Just like that, POOF! You've lost track of the clock. How many of us have done this from time to time? 

Last June, I knew that Facebook was stealing too much of my time. That's why I decided to take a month vacation away from it. Following that month, I became more aware of my precious time slipping away, due to how Facebook has a clever way of drawing us in. This is when I knew I had to intentionally take more frequent breaks. To unplug for longer periods of time. 

Then last month, I purposely took about six days off with the intention to enjoy the holiday season. What did I learn in less than a week from being away? I learned that I got so much accomplished simply from taking a break. Oh my goodness, it was amazing to realize that despite ADHD, I can tackle several projects and complete them when I'm not sidetracked! (And I no longer take Adderall so this is unmedicated!) 

Truthfully, it's only day two from my Facebook break this new year and my attitude has most definitely improved already. Finally, I can breath. I have peace of mind. I can think straight. I sense God guiding and directing me. I'm having amazing dreams at night. And my motivation to write my fourth book is like a race horse waiting for the gate to open. I'm chomping at the bit! Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I am really excited about life now.

So here's my plan. This is going to be an experiment to blog about my January 2017 break from Facebook. As much as I'd like to give a timeline, part of me wants to just go with it. Just wing it and see how long I can go without Facebook. To test the waters. Spend more time in my "real" life to enjoy my friends and family. To work on the content in my book, Sacred Wanderings: Growing Your Faith in the Dark. To be present in the moment. To spend more time chatting with my heavenly Father. To blast my favorite worship music as I sing on the top of my lungs. To admire the beauty of our universe. To just live one day at a time and treasure this sweet little escape into bliss.




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    Faith Inspired Author

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